I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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