take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
