I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
