I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
