she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
