I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
