Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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