Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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