How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize