Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
