$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
