I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
