lets start a swedish sibling band together
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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