What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
