i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
