If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
