Don't make out with my wife yet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We are all done wearing pants today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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