I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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