4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
