I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
