I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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