She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize