You're my little dorito
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
