I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
