I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I die, sorry about rent.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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