His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
