I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
