your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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