I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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