he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
