ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
