just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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