put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
