between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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