Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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