while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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