Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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