My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Success! We fucked roommates!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
