I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
