get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
