Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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