I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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