My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
