No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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