My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
