i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
