her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
