We need to start having sex underwater more often.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
