how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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