Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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