I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
