I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize