I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
