do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
