the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
being pregnant is like rehab
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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