kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize