He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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