Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
