So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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