so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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