i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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