Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
