Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
