Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize