so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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