I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I understand Curling. That high.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
