There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
